LotR '99
by Oddwen Floddball
Summary: The fellowship-Boromir+Arwen are WARPED to 1999! *Happy 4th Anniversary!*
1. Somewhere down the road that goes ever o...

This is old...I was digging around and I found it. It was started Ap. 15 1999 and that was when I had just discovered LotR. Yep, itÕs only been 4 years. Anyhoo, I donÕt know if itÕll be continued, I started but that isnÕt turning out very well. Maybe itÕll be a series of unconnected adventures, or something. Oh, I still donÕt own LotR. Never have, never will, alas.  
  
  
  
  
  
Aragorn was in despair, for Arwen was not come back from the store. And she was a compulsive Shop-a-Holic. So you can see why he despaired.  
When she finally came back, laden with purchases, but not the very thing thing Aragorn had specifically asked for, (Frosted Sugar Puffs) he flew into a rage.   
ÓEEEYIGH!!Ó He said, his eyes growing wild, ÓI NEED A SUGAR PICK-ME-UP!!Ó   
Arwen looked up and blinked pitifully.  
ÒIÕm sorry. I wandered into the sale aisle and I got carried away!Ó She blinked even more pitifully.  
Aragorn looked down and a funny look came into his eyes, Almost as if he was rather uncomfortable, for her gaze held something more, Hostility, perhaps?   
ÒBut no,Ó He thought. ÒShe wouldnÕt dare to... to... No! she wouldnÕt dare!Ó He couldnÕt bring himself to think about it.  
But Arwen glanced around, like she was looking to see that no one was watching.   
Aragorn stiffened and stared, then Arwen moved a hand ever so slightly. Aragorn whirled around to run, but it was too late. Arwen lashed out with her foot, knocking him to the ground.   
He got up knocking her to the very dirty floor, and ran out of the house. But Arwen was following not too far behind. Aragorn thought fast.  
ÒIf I can just reach the rooaaa......Ó But she pounced on his back, and hung on for dear life.   
Aragorn shrieked, and the sound was horrible to hear. It was as if all the Nazgul were hovering overhead.  
Arwen cowered, and then she struck and she knocked him to the ground. AragornÕs shrieks of terror turned to something else entirely different as Arwen started tickling his neck without mercy.   
ÒHelp! Help!Ó Aragorn managed to choke out between his giggling.   
Arwen hissed in his ear. ÒWhereÕs my Frosted Sugar Puffs! WhereÕs my Frosted Sugar Puffs! Is that all you ever think about? Every time I try to sneak out to get some shopping done youÕre right there WAITING for me like you had news of it before hand! And itÕs always the same,Ó she said, her eyes going wilder than Aragorn had ever seen. ÒItÕs always, ÔOh, youÕre going to the store? well get me some Frosted Sugar PuffsÕ Without a please or a thank you when I get back. And you NEVER pay for them yourself, you always expect ME to pay for them out of this weeks grocery money! Do you KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE YOUR PRECIOUS CEREAL IS??? THREE DOLLARS A BOX!! AND IÕM NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT ANY MORE! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR PRECIOUS-WECIOUS CEREAL! DO YOU HEAR ME?? IF YOU WANT FROSTED SUGAR PUFFS YOU BUY THEM WITH YOUR OWN MONEY!Ó And with that, Arwen ripped his boots off, and began savagely tickling his feet.  
Aragorn, by this time had been gasping and giggling himself silly and trying to get up, but ArwenÕs fierce attack had left him powerless to defend himself from the furious onslaught.  
Finally he jumped up from the ground where he had been laying, knocking her from his back, ran into the house and no sooner than he had slammed and locked the door behind himself, than Arwen unleashed her full fury on the door. It groaned and buckled under the furious onslaught, and then it gave in to the pounding fists and kicking feet. Arwen burst through the door and the force of her anger carried her through the wall across the room.   
She burst through the living room wall where Gandalf and Legolas were watching television.  
Then she slowly, gracefully picked herself up from the wreckage, straightened her dress, fixed her hair, and stumped off to find Aragorn.  
Aragorn, who had ran off as soon as he had caught his breath, was far and away up the stairs, flinging away from his path any one in his way. (Indeed, had Arwen stayed in the living room to watch Tv., she might have noticed that when Legolas got up during the commercials to make more popcorn, he walked with a limp and he had a black eye.) Aragorn rushed up the stairs as fast as his bootless feet could carry him. He imagined he could hear feet behind him, and indeed he did. For Frodo and Sam were chasing him, because they needed help with the lunch.   
For Gandalf was watching television, Gimli was playing with his little toy plane, Merry and Pippin were arguing, and all Legolas and Arwen knew how to make was lembas. (And not very good lembas at that.) But Aragorn did not have time to help them this time. For he was running for his very life. He turned into the first room he saw,(which happened to be Frodo and SamÕs room) and slammed the door.   
Frodo and Sam, however, were enraged at this, for Hobbits do not take kindly to people popping into their rooms uninvited. They gave two great bellows at this, and beat their fists on the door, all thoughts of lunch forgotten.   
Which was bad, for at that moment, Legolas, coming into the kitchen, saw the fixings of what he thought was lembas on the counter. He thought, ÒLembas fixings! Arwen and I must be making lunch again! DidnÕt we do it yesterday? alas!Ó And started making lembas.  
Arwen, coming in at that moment, stopped, and thought, ÒLembas fixings! Legolas and I must be making lunch again! DidnÕt we do it yesterday? alas!Ó And started helping Legolas.  
About this time, Frodo and Sam had burst through their door and had picked up Aragorn and at that very moment were carrying him into the kitchen on their way to the window. Arwen turned from the lembas she was making and at the sight of Aragorn she roared and started running after him, leaving her lembas dough.   
Gandalf, having heard all the noise, had come in to see what was going on, and while Frodo and Sam rushed past him, Frodo stepped on his foot. Gandalf let out a yell loud enough to shatter LegolasÕ lembas. Then Gandalf started chasing Frodo and Sam, with Arwen close behind.   
Frodo and Sam were just about to throw Aragorn out the window when Arwen grabbed him and threw him out the window. The speed at which they were running carried Frodo, Sam, and Aragorn through the window into the hole Gandalf was supposed to fill two weeks before. Gandalf ran right out the window, too, after Frodo and Sam.   
Legolas who had come running up, stood gaping with lembas glopping off his hands. Arwen turned and with a sniff stalked off to finish the lembas. Legolas followed still gaping and glopping.   
Gimli, Merry and Pippin, who were fighting outside, fought their way to the front of the house and stood gaping at two Hobbits, a Wizard, and a Man floundering in a hole that one of them was supposed to fill two weeks ago.  
Gimli turned and dropping his toy plane, fell to the ground laughing. Merry and Pippin started arguing about which was funnier, each other, this, or what happened last week.   
Aragorn floundered out of the hole, which happened to be filled with quicksand, glared at Gimli, who was in convulsions, stumped up to the front door, wiped his feet carefully, and went upstairs to change.  
By this time, Frodo, Sam and Gandalf had floundered out of the hole and went in the front door without wiping their feet. There was a shriek, and three forms were thrown out the door, Aragorn following with a mop.  
Gimli, who had seen Aragorn with the mop, got up and choking back giggles, slunk off with his plane, followed by AragornÕs piercing gaze. Arwen and Legolas who had finished the lembas, came out with a big platter and called everyone to lunch.  
They all came slowly and gazed sorrowfully at the lembas and turned to Frodo and Sam and glared. For if they had made lunch like they were supposed to they would not have to eat lembas right now.  
Arwen, her eyes narrowing, said ÒYouÕd better eat or Legolas and I might take offenseÓ  
Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, and Legolas looked at each other, and quickly lined up for the lembas. Aragorn was last in line. When he came to the platter there was only one big piece left.   
Wincing, he snatched it quickly, keeping well out of arms reach. His eyes always on Arwen, who was glaring hard at him, eyes blazing. He hurried off to the tree where the others were, glancing back over his shoulder every once in a while.  
Meanwhile, the others were trying to eat the rock hard lembas, and not making any progress.  
Aragorn sat down next to Legolas, who was trying unsuccessfully to chip his lembas with two rocks, and Gimli, who was trying to use his axe.  
Arwen came and sat down across from Aragorn, keeping her frosty gaze always on his wary gaze. She crunched her lembas in five bites and stared unblinkingly at him.  
Aragorn gaped openmouthed at her, for he had not before known that anyone could eat the lembas using nothing but their teeth.   
Arwen winced, for Aragorn had just managed to wrench a morsel off the hunk of lembas and was attempting to chew it into small enough pebbles so he could swallow it.  
One by one they either managed miraculously to eat their lembas, or they buried it secretly with the stuff from previous lunches, and went off somewhere.   
Aragorn was the first one done, which was surprising, since he had the biggest piece of all. He quickly went off to hide from Arwen until she cooled off.  
Arwen waited a bit and snuck off after Aragorn, after tripping over Merry and Pippin who were fighting again. What happened after she found him was this.  
Aragorn hid under his bed. He could hear Arwen stomping up the stairs, checking in every room as she went past. She came into their room. The first place she looked was under the bed.   
Aragorn saw her upside-down face looking straight at him, glaring. He shrank beneath her withering gaze. She reached for him. Aragorn shrieked and tried to get out from under the bed, but his grey cloak of Lorien caught on one of the many loose springs and he could go neither forward nor back.  
ArwenÕs hand came closer, and closer, and then suddenly stopped, as if she had forgotten what she wanted, then she withdrew her hand, straightened up, turned, and walked out of the room.  
Aragorn was still for a few minutes, gasping, then he wiggled furiously and got out from under the bed, (minus the grey cloak of Lorien) and went downstairs, out of the house, and into the toolshed. He got some wire cutters, went out of the toolshed, into the house, up the stairs, and into his room. And then he got halfway under the bed, snipped his grey cloak of Lorien free, put it on, and walked downstairs to see about dinner.  
He entered the kitchen to see Gandalf with his muddy shoes come walking into the house. Aragorn shrieked and before that shriek died on the air Gandalf was sailing through the door, right into Frodo and Sam who were wiping their feet very carefully. Arwen and Legolas at that very moment rounded the corner of the house arguing about whoÕs fault it was this time that the lembas was bad.  
Their argument was cut short as three hurtling objects barreled into them.  
Merry and Pippin happened to be arguing in the sandbox about where to put Mount Doom, when suddenly, five objects came crashing down on Mordor.  
Barad-dur was totally smashed by a falling Hobbit. (Which happened to be Sam)  
Merry and Pippin shrieked and covered their heads with their arms, but an Elf came hurtling down out of the sky, flattening them.  
Legolas got up, picked Merry and Pippin up, and went off with Arwen to finish their argument.   
Aragorn, after mopping the floor, started to make chicken ‡ la mode for dinner.  
Arwen, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam and Gandalf came in from the sandbox, carefully wiping their feet.  
Aragorn met them with an apron and a big plate of chicken ‡ la mode and a big toothy grin.  
Arwen gazed quizzically at him, not knowing he had so many teeth.   
Then they heard a knock on the door. Aragorn looked fearfully around the messy kitchen. He grabbed the mop and started swinging it around, for he knew his mother had come by for a visit, and he had forgotten it in the Arwen incident.  
He stuffed Gandalf into the coat closet, swept Arwen under the rug, shoved Legolas into the fridge, and ushered the Hobbits and Gimli out of the room.  
And he was not a moment too late. For at that moment his mother burst through the door, being tired of waiting for someone to open it.  
Aragorn greeted his mother with a smile as he took the apron off.  
His mother peered around the kitchen, at the lump in the rug, and the very sloppily done mopping job.   
She started as the hobbits and Gimli came back into the kitchen. She said, ÒOh! are these your kids? What uh, lovely kids you have. whereÕs your wife?Ó   
ÒOh!Ó said Aragorn ÒShe likes to hide under the rug. Come on out dear!Ó he said lifting the corner of the rug and pulling out Arwen.   
She gave him a frosty glare as he helped her up from the floor.  
Aragorn paused and almost dropped her, but she stood up to her full hight and greeted his mother with a smile.  
AragornÕs mother smiled and greeted Arwen.   
Then she turned to Aragorn and started criticizing him for the sloppy mopping job while she was hanging up her coat. She did not notice Gandalf trying on a floppy hat since she was too busy scolding Aragorn.  
She stayed for three miserable months. When she finally left, she had convinced Arwen to plant a flower garden under the big tree where they ususlly ate the lembas when they ate outside, and Aragorn that ÒCometÓ was a much better cleaner than the one he was using.  
Arwen was trowelling the ground under the tree when her trowel hit something hard. She pulled it out of the ground, and half the blade was gone.  
ÒRocksÓ She muttered, and started digging with her hands.  
She surfaced one and glanced at it and was about to throw it aside, but then she looked closer. She said, ÒWhaaaat?Ó and looked in the hole to see if there was any more. She saw what she feared. A whole mess of, not rocks, but, ÒLembas!!!Ó She shrieked, and ran to the side yard still clutching a hunk. 


	2. The first adventure

Ok, I know youÕve been waiting with bated breath...this is the first of two attempts to explain exactly how the fellowship got to earth. Started Apr. 1st 1999. ItÕs mostly written by Tweak.  
  
  
  
  
  
The LORD OF THE RINGS1999.   
By Tweak and Oddwen.  
  
After the Ring had been destroyed, Aragron, Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, Arwen and Gandalf were riding into the sunset, then they all happened to wiggle their noses and sneeze at the same time, they were   
WARPED TO 1999!!!   
As they wandered in the busy streets of Los Angeles, on foot, they were all wondering where they were, and When they were, Aragorn turned to Frodo and asked, ÒHey, Fro, how about using the Ring or something?Ó And Frodo said ÒWe destroyed the Ring, AND QUIT CALLING ME FRO!!!!!!!Ó Aragorn turned to Gandalf and asked,ÓHey Gand,Ó And then Gandalf said ÒNO NO NO NO and QUIT CALLING ME GAND!!!!!!!!!!Ó And then Merry turned to Pippin and they started fighting in the middle of the busy street, and then, beaten and bruised, Pippin turned to Aragorn and asked,ÓHey Aragorn, why donÕt you ask somebody where we are?Ó And then Aragorn said,ÓSomebody would be crazy to live in a place like Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii......Ó   
As the truck bore down on them, they JUST escaped the 145 grinding wheels of the 14 ton truck. Aragorn began to count the company,ÓFro, er Frodo, yes, Gandalf, yes, Legolas, yes, Gimli, yes, Pippin, yes, Merry, yes, Sam, yes,Me, Aragorn, Elessar, Strider, The Dunadan, yes yes, Anduril, yes, Arwen, Arwen? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Ó  
For indeed, Arwen was not to be seen, (Probably because she was on the other side of the busy street) Aragorn shrieked, for he had SPECIFICALLY  
said earlier to STICK TOGETHER!!! And then he turned, And there, he saw her. Standing like the day that he first saw her, and she walked towards him, nearly getting run over twice, saved only by the drivers stopping suddenly to gawk at the strange company beside the busy street, and when she finally came to the other side, she stopped in front of Aragorn, And blinked pitifully. Aragorn gulped, tried to appear, like I said, TRIED, to apper stern, and said,(Trumpets blaring.)ÓUhhh, hmmm, Arwen, noo   
hmmmm AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!Ó ÒWhat?Ó Arwen asked. ÒOh, nothingÓ 


	3. The first adventure reloaded

This is a bit more recent. I couldnÕt see where I was going with it, so I abandoned it pretty much. It was started Nov. 19 2002.  
Oh yeah. Why 1999? 'Cuz I wanted to, that's why.  
  
  
Once upon a time in Middle earth, what was left of the fellowship were traveling to Rohan to bury the king ThŽoden. It was a rather sad time, the guy being dead and all. It so happened, that Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, Gandalf and Arwen sneezed, wiggled their noses and blinked at the same time. This being an unusual happening, it only having occurred once or twice in the history of the universe, they were WARPED TO 1999, in our country nonetheless! The entire cavalcade, having previously been sitting on horses, were dropped onto a slab of what seemed a very hard rock.  
"Eek!" shouted Gandalf. "I fear something terrible has happened! Run, I shall defend you!" he gets up and waves his staff around.  
"Gandalf," says Merry, "I think there's a very simple explanation for whatever is happened."  
"What is that?" says Frodo.  
"It's all Pippins' fault!" cries Merry, throwing a punch in his general direction.  
Pippin and Merry are soon fighting in the middle of the very busy street.  
Ignoring them, Aragorn turned to Frodo. "Hey Fro, what about using the ring or something?"  
"No!" shouts Frodo. "We destroyed it, if you remember!" he curls up into a ball and starts sucking his thumb. Arwen pats him on the shoulder and glares at Aragorn.  
"Now look! You made the poor baby cry!" Frodo answers by wailing pitifully. Aragorn turns to Gandalf.  
"Hey, Gand, what about using some of your wizardy magic?"  
"No!" the wizard shouts, and sits and pouts. (and flouts, and schmouts, and clouts, and other rhymie things)  
"Where are we?" said Legolas, looking around.  
"Ask someone, elf!" says Gimli.  
"Someone would be crazy to live in a place like thiiiiii...."  
As Aragorn started this seemingly unfinished sentence, a great steel bellied monster approached them at a rapid pace. Our companions barely escaped it's many large wheels, which would have ground them to an icky pulp.  
Gandalf fans himself and gasps for air. "Don't treat an old man so!" he wheezes. Arwen glares at Aragorn. "Why do you treat him so? Why, he's been like a father to me!"  
"Well," said Aragorn, but the hobbits interrupt him.  
"We're hungry!" they shout. "We want to go to an inn and get a pint of ale! Good ale, yummy ale..."  
"Ale?" shouts a woman who comes up to them. "You children have drunk ale?"  
"Children?" shouts Pippin indignantly. "Why..."  
"Police! Police!" shouts the woman hysterically.  
"You can't arrest these people!" shouts a man. "We need them!" He grabs Gimli. "You're going to be on the Price is Right!"  
"You can't sell him!" cries Legolas, also grabbing Gimli.  
Immediately, everyone takes ahold of Gimli and starts yelling and pulling. The dwarf is nearly rendered into quarters before the PiR dude tucks him under his arm and runs off to the studio, our companions following at a close range. The man dashes into a large building, and he tells someone to give everyone name tags before he drags Gimli through a small door. The rest of the fellowship are herded into a small room, have papers with their names on them slapped upon their shirts, and are herded into a larger room with many seats and people. They are seated before lights begin to flash, and a dramatic voice begins to yell something. The fellowship see Gimli up in front, near the stage looking confused.  
An older man comes out on the stage, and starts talking. Then a couple of skinny women prance around a riding mower, and the people beside the dwarf rattle off a couple of numbers. Gimli shouts the first number that comes into his head. ($8939.04) A buzzer sounds, and the host grabs the dwarf up on stage, stuffs a piece of paper into his hand and drags him over to a door.  
"Do you know what's behind that door?" he says. Gimli shakes his head. "It's a new car!"  
The doors open and the crowd goes wild. Gimli just stares. "You could win this car!" says Bob. He drags Gimli over to a queer stand. "You're gonna playyyyy puh-llllinkooooo!!"   
After the dwarf won a stove, a set of designer pens, a blender, and a years supply of gourmet peanut butter by guessing which flap the number is under, he is given a handful of disks and one of the skinny women shoves the dwarf up the steps to the top. Gimli says nothing but holds on to the stand tightly. He decides that he must drop the disks along the pegged board, and after every single one he hears loud bells and buzzers. After he's dropped all of the disks down, he comes down dejectedly. "I'm sorry I made the bells ring," he sniffles. "What? Don't be sad! You've just won TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!" Bob slaps him on the back. "And now it's time for a commercial break!" Then he pushes the dwarf rudely. "Get this freak outta my sight!" he snarls. Gimli leaps into the audience to speak to his friends. "How'd I do?" he said. "I don't know," says Aragorn. Gimli is snatched up and dragged back to the stage, where he stands before a spinny wheel. He spins it, and more buzzers sound. Gimli flinches and spins it again, more tentatively. MORE buzzers sound. He's whisked off he's stuffed behind a brightly colored pedestal. He was shown a bunch of stuff: a new mansion, with a huge van, and five hangliders. The man beside him was shown a ski boat, jet skis, and a vacation to Miami. Bob once again told Gimli to pick a number. Gimli picked the number of times buzzers had sounded (8) times the number of plinko chips (5) times the amount of money he had won (250,000) divided by ten. ($1,000,000) YET MORE buzzers sound, and the skinny women, Bob and members of the audience surrounded Gimli.  
"You've won the most money ever in the history of game shows!" screams one woman into his face. "How do you feel?" "Er, ah," says the dwarf. "Speechless, eh? Well folks!" she bellows into a strange black box, "You've seen it here first! Gimli Gloinson is the most famous game show winner in the history of game shows!"  
Gimli's friends came up to him. "Uh," they say, "What..." They are all rushed into a big van and driven off for a while. They pester the driver to distraction, while they learn much about this strange land. The van screeches to a stop in front of a giant wrought iron gate. The doors open and the fellowship gets out.  
"Anything else you want to know?" snarls the driver. "Yeah," says Aragorn. "Where are we?"  
The driver laughs. "You're in Los Angeles, bub. The place where anything can happen." As he slams the door and roars off, they believed him.  
"Well," says Aragorn. "Isn't this the house that they showed you?"  
"Yeah," says Gimli. They walk up to the gate and open it. In the driveway is the car that Gimli won. "Hmm," he says. There seems to be an object for every buzzer. I guess that means that buzzers are a good thing." They walk up to the door.  
"There is a small button here," says Gimli pushing it. A buzzer sounds inside. "A good thing!" shouts Gimli. "What else did I win?" They burst open the door and go inside. It is a very long hallway, with many pegs for coats. Frodo takes one look at the immense hall and throws himself on the ground and cries. "Poor baby," says Arwen and picks him up. They wander down the hall and come to a kitchen. Gandalf sees a jar on the table and picks it up, opens it, and samples the contents.   
"MMM!" he cries. (And here, my patient readers, we lapse into semi-correct grammar for a time.)  
"What Mmm?" said Legolas, coming to see. He looked at the jar. "Peanut butter," it read.  
  
I donÕt own LotR, I donÕt own PiR, I donÕt own hangliders, and IÕve never been to L.A. and I know thatÕs not how PiR does that. 


	4. The first adventure Revolutions

April 15th, 2003 was the 4th anniversary of this story! Wow! I'll try to update this a bit more.  
"What Mmm?" cried Gandalf, "Why this is only the most amazing stuff I've ever tasted! What texture, what a flavor! What I wouldn't give for a cracker at this moment in time!"  
"Look!" cried Pippin. He had opened an unassuming door to the side of the kitchen. "A whole roomful of the stuff!"  
"Oh!" cried Gandalf rapturously. He jumped into the pantry (for that was what it was) and opened a jar and sniffed deeply.  
Merry had wandered into the living room. There was a strange looking pair of stairs leading up. Near it was a control panel with two buttons. One reading "Go" and the other reading "Stop". He pushed the "Go" button, and the stairs magically began to move upwards. Merry yelped and rushed back to the others, who were still looking around the kitchen.  
"What did you see?" whispered Pippin to him.  
"Stairs," whispered Merry. "And they moved!"  
"Oh, really?"  
Legolas had found the strangest box, it was white and cold inside. There seemed to have several manners of food inside, and he was at the moment shaking a round red metal object with white flowing letters trying to get it open. He looked at the top of it, and noticed a ring type thing. He pried it up, and pulled on it. The resulting spray got him full in the face causing him to drop it and yell.  
"It's attacking me!" he shouted. "Hey, it doesn't taste half bad!"  
"It's probably a booby trap! Don't eat it, it's poisonous!" cried Aragorn dropping the toaster oven he was inspecting. Legolas kicked the can fiercly and jumped onto the counter spitting.   
Gimli was inspecting a strange object upon a tabletop, it had a handle and several strange buttons. He pushed the top of it with his axe, and the funny shaped handle thing fell off, but the cord attached kept it from hitting the floor. Gimli bent close cautiously, as he heard a strange note coming from it. A moment later, there was a voice.  
'If you would like to make a call, please...'  
"It's talking!" shouted Gimli. Arwen picked it up and stared at it.  
"A talking handle," she murmured. "What does it say?"  
"Don't listen to it! It will cast you under its spell!" shouted Gimli again. He whacked the buttons with his axe.  
"Wait! The voice has stopped!" cried Arwen. Everyone in the kitchen stopped and looked at her. Gandalf poked his head out of the pantry, Merry and Pippin stopped fighting, Frodo stopped crying, Legolas stopped wiping his tongue on his sleeve, Aragorn stopped looking at the funny staff with fuzz on the end, Sam stopped polishing the white box and Gimli stopped whacking the buttons.  
"What does it say?" said Aragorn.  
"It's a ringing noise, no a click!" Everyone listened intently. A voice was heard.  
"Hello?"  
"Ahh! It's back!" shouted Gimli.  
"Who is this?"  
"It can hear us! Quick, kill it!" shrieked Aragorn.  
"Aragorn?"  
"ARGH! IT KNOWS MY NAME! HIDE ME!" Aragorn dashed into the pantry and closed the door.  
"I know that voice," muttered Arwen.  
"Put the handset to your ear!" said the voice again.  
"No don't do it!" hollered Aragorn from inside. "I'd come and kill it, but, but, I can't get out! Help, someone!" Arwen slowly put the handset to her ear.  
"Hello? Who is this?" She listened for a second and then piercingly screeched.  
"Kill it!" Gimli shouted again, raising his axe to do so.  
"EOWYN!" squealed Arwen again. "Eowyn, where are you? Is Faramir with you? How did you get into the little box?" She listened some more. "She wants to know where we are!"  
"Well, I'm standing in a kitchen," said Gimli.  
"I'm stuck!" wailed Aragorn.  
"Didn't that man say Los Angeles?" said Sam.  
She told Eowyn and then waited. "In a house." "A green table." "What?"  
"Gimli, I need you to do something! Go to the front of the house, and there are some numbers, I need you to memorize them and come tell me."  
"And then you can come let me out!" came Aragorn's voice.  
Gimli bowed stiffly and walked out the door. He looked at the side of the house intently mouthing to himself. He walked back in and told her the number, which she repeated into the phone. (That's what it is, after all. I bet you've never seen a phone with a cord, huh? *wink*)  
"It's 1002," she said. "It's a very big house, and it's got a gate in front!"  
"Let me see that!" said Gandalf.   
"Aww, Dad!" whined Arwen.  
"Don't talk back to your father!" He took it. "Hello? Could you bring crackers?"  
"Dad!" whined Legolas. "Who cares about crackers? I've been poisoned!"  
"Here," snapped Gandalf. "Eat this!" he threw a can of peanut butter and it hit the wall and splattered some of the gooey stuff all over the counter. Legolas made a face and tried some.  
"Oh dear," said Sam.  
"Lots of crackers!" continued Gandalf, and then he put the handset back in its cradle with a bang.  
Arwen immediately grabbed it and put it to her ear again. "She's gone!" she cried. "And that other voice is back!"  
"Kill it!" boomed Gimli finally doing so. He whacked it so hard that the table split in half.  
"Give me that axe, Gimli, before you hurt someone," ordered Aragorn who had finally gotten out.  
"Aww," whined Gimli.  
Ok, here's the deal here. Somehow, they all have been brainwashed and think they're related. (Hey, they got zapped here, right? Who's to say they didn't?)  
So, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo think that they're Aragorn and Arwen's children, Frodo being the baby of the family, Arwen and Legolas are now brother and sister, being Gandalf's children. Gimli is a rich idiot. I'll be introducing more characters later on, hopefully.   
Merry and Pippin are the troublemakers, Sam is the good son and picked on, Frodo is adorable and cutsey and loved by everyone save Merry and Pippin, Gandalf is a rather senile old busybody and gets crazier, Gimli is a rather senile younger busybody, Legolas is infatuated with his long, DARK silky hair, Aragorn is the only one with some semblance of sanity, and Arwen is a ditz. Oh yeah, and she CAN'T COOK, thus evidencing the introduction of an AU character in the next chapter or two. This is gonna be one crowded house, I can tell ya. 


End file.
